


Reflections in My Mind

by RT_Pilon



Category: Zootopia (2016)
Genre: Alternate_Reality_theme, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-04-18
Packaged: 2018-10-20 12:20:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10662465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RT_Pilon/pseuds/RT_Pilon
Summary: Nick keeps having weird dreams about these strange beings.At least he thinks he does.





	Reflections in My Mind

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Thematic Thursday, TT; theme, Sci-Fi.  
> Possibly the catharsis I needed to move on...
> 
> This work also had a blind readthrough by Comicanon;  
> https://soundcloud.com/comicanon/reflections-in-my-mind  
> Edit; Nope, didn't move on, just learning to live with it.

"Hey, welcome back slick."  
Light began to filter into his mind as he regained consciousness, a grey fuzzy shape shrank in his field of view to no longer be his interpretation of the world, but a form in the foreground of said world.  
Judy loomed over Nick as he lay in the chamber.  
"Hey Fluff." he croaked, his throat dry from laying on his back. "Could do with a drink here."  
A badger wearing a green smock, finished talking to an antelope at a computer screen and trotted over to join Judy and Nick.  
"Vitals all look good." said the badger as she began removing electrodes from the fox's body.  
"I'll get you a tub of yogurt," continued the badger. "We just need to bring your potassium levels up a bit."  
Judy finished pouring a glass of water and handed it to Nick.  
"So, anything of interest?" she asked.  
Nick downs half the glass in one gulp before turning to the receding nurse.  
"Hey Madge, would it kill us to get some blueberry yogurt? I think I'm turning yellow from all the banana flavoured stuff."  
Nick turned back to Judy while finishing the glass of water.  
"A lot of the same stuff." he began. "I seem to be the same person each time, and while I'm still only sort of observing, I'm also beginning to sense more of my, his, it's, body."  
He leaned forward and scruffed the back of his head and ears, looking down to the catheter bag alongside the bed.  
Nick snickered to himself. "Actually, I'm pretty sure it's a male, I remember going to the toilet again."  
"We noticed." replied Judy with a smile. "Only number one's again this time eh?"  
"Yeah, but I think I'll keep wearing the diapers just in case." Nick answered as he reached down to remove the tube.  
"Here's a thought, what if he's got a mate and things start to get interesting, you think you'll be able to 'give me a hand' as such?" Nick leered at the rabbit.  
Judy scoffed. "Pfft, in your dreams ace."  as she returned the water jug and glass to the kitchen area of the lab.  
"You know you love me." Nick quipped at Judy. "And hey, these ARE my dreams so, I'll take that as a yes then?"  
Judy walked back with her clipboard, "Good idea Wilde, not gonna happen."

The antelope picked up his empty coffee mug and sauntered out the door, leaving the two alone in the room.  
Nick sat up and twisted out of the sleep chamber as Judy sat beside him.  
"So, anything new?" she repeated.  
"Like I said, same place, same stuff I guess, but with more detail." Nick began. "Still looks to be a hospital, with beds and nurses and stuff, different to this place, but yeah, definitely a hospital."  
Nick thought for a second, then continued.  
"And the same mammals everywhere again, the ones about as tall as a wolf or boar, and bare skinned like a boar. They usually have some fur, but it only seems to be on their head, and in a variety of colours."  
"Some have long fur, some have short, some of the males have no fur."  
"While they all look taller than me, my host seems to be about the same height as them, which feels weird when he walks, I sort of get a floating feeling."  
"I mean, this was when he got up and walked to the bathroom."  
"Can you describe the bathroom?" asked Judy.  
"Oh you know, typical hospital, green, blue and white tiles, a row of basins, a urinal on one side and a couple of doors, to toilets I guess, on the other side." Nick massaged his eyes as Judy scribbled on her pad.  
He looked up, "There's a thing, I think they must segregate the hospital on size as well as species, like different sized mammals on different floors, because all the fixtures in the toilet were all of the one size that suited my host."  
Judy stared into space in front of her, as if imagining the idea of a world of mammals, all the same size.  
"Interesting concept." she mused.  
Looking back at Nick, she continued.  
"So you're in a hospital, but walking around using the bathroom," she paused, "Do you think you are a doctor or a patient?"  
Nick sat back up, "Oh, pretty sure I'm a patient, I've got a bed that I sit in, next to two others."  
"So fellow patients then?" asked Judy.  
"No." answered Nick, "they're empty, I've got the room to myself.".  
"Can you describe the room any better?" continued Judy.  
"No, pretty much as I said last time, light blue in colour, green curtains pulled back, but now I know the middle bed is mine because I tend to sit on it more often than the chair next to it." Nick added.  
"Yes, I remember the chair," recounted Judy, "No tail gap."  
"Yeah, weird." replied Nick, staring into his own blank space.  
''Of course that's not going to worry you 'stumpys' much." jibed Nick, nudging the rabbit.  
Judy cocked her head and gave the fox a sideways condescending look.  
"I mean, these mammals must have tails even shorter than boars or pigs, because I can't remember any of them with a tail hanging out?" pondered Nick.  
"I mean there are tails around, I saw them on the TV…"  
"A TV?" asked Judy, an ear twitching up.  
"Oh hey, I just remembered that too!" revealed Nick.  
"My host tries to watch it, but only gets a few minutes and then a nurse comes in and turns it off again."  
"Again?" asked Judy.  
"Yeah, it's weird, it's like they don't want me to see what's going on or something?" He continued.  
"I mean there's no remote or anything, my host gets up, goes over and plugs it back into the wall and turns it on manually."  
"I think they would like to take it away, but it's bolted to the ceiling."  
"So you get to see more of the real world?" questioned Judy, "Can you see their reality?"

Nick hopped down off the bed and padded over to the sink.  
"I tell yah carrots, the only reality I see is that the service here is about the same as in the dreams." he called as he refilled the glass with water, looking out the door for the nurse and his yoghurt.  
"Har har." Judy smirked. "So, tell me more about the TV?"  
Nick finished his drink and wandered back to the bed.  
"Didn't take you for a couch potato Fluff?" he prodded.  
"I don't so much watch it as study it." she responded, "TV can be like a window to the world, a reflection of society."  
"Yeah, I see where you're going Carrots, but this guy only seems to watch cartoons, some funny shit too!" he quipped.  
"But like I say, I only get to see short bursts of it until nurse 'boobies' turns up to shut it off again."  
"Boobies?" quizzed Judy, "What do you mean by that?"  
A mystified look crossed Nicks face, "I don't know." he puzzled. "The word just popped into my head, I mean, I feel like it means, 'mamms'."  
Nick blushed and looked away from the rabbit, then added. "And the females seem to be well endowed with them all the time, like they're feeding all the time?"  
Nick looked back to Judy, trying to determine her reaction.  
"Mamms." Judy stated flatly, she looked down and scribbled in her notes.  
"So, you think you got this word 'boobies' from your host?"  
"Yeah I guess, that and a strange feeling as well." he continued. "Like the thought of them was related to sex?"  
Nick looked nervously at Judy waiting for a response, and found himself noticing her dewlap.  
He decided to change the subject.  
"Cartoons are supposed to be a reflection of social culture aren't they?" he asked, looking away.  
Judy looked at him for a minute, her face appearing to puzzle on her next question, then hesitantly asked.  
"Do you think you can determine a level of civilisation from their cartoons Nick?"  
"Well, if what I saw is any indication, I think they're just like us." he responded.  
"You know, families, relationships, driving around in cars, houses, cities, all doing typical day to day stuff, going to work, shopping."  
He paused. "Trying to find partners…" He looked up at Judy.  
She looked back at him, "Just like us Nick?" she asked slowly, the double entendre lolling in her head.  
"Well, that's the confusing bit." began Nick. "I mean, I think we're sort of getting to know one another aren't we Judy?"  
The rabbit blushed momentarily while thinking of a response.  
"Do you mean in our doctor patient relationship, or the fact that you asked me out after your second visit?"  
"Well I kind of meant as the friends part of the relationship." answered Nick, then quipped. "Although I guess it was pretty bold of me to ask you out eh?"  
"Not as bold as me actually accepting." returned Judy.  
"You could have been an axe murderer or anything." she stated.  
"To say nothing of what it technically means for me from a professional standpoint."  
They both brooded on the comments momentarily, then Judy followed with, "But what do you mean by confusing?"  
"I can't put my claw on it, but it's just that the last couple of times I've woken up here, it's just felt a little different, you know?" pondered Nick.  
"I mean, you're here, I'm here, I remember that we've gone out a couple of times, but for a second or so, I can't think of any of the details of those times, and I really have to think about them before they come back."

They held eyes for a few seconds before Judy scribbled a few more notes in her pad.  
Looking back to Nick, Judy finally continued, "So, these cartoons that are 'just like us', what else can you tell me from them?"  
"Well yeah." he began. "Just like here, only with a few more species thrown in."  
"You mean more species than here Nick?" retorted Judy sounding a little dubious.  
Nick picked up on the voice and replied hesitantly, "Well yeah, I mean there's lots of us normal mammals there, foxes, rabbits, sheep and various types of badly drawn wolves, at least I guess that's what they were?"  
He paused. "And being cartoons, they parody other creatures as being sentient, like talking fish and birds." Nick seemed caught up in the memory of what he'd seen.  
"Hey, there is a really funny one with this tall grey hare and this odd black bird, and they're always fighting and blowing one another up."  
"I think that cartoon must be from the East continent because they always appear naked, but it just seems totally normal."  
"Then there's these mammals like my host, although they always seem to wear clothes, but you can tell then apart because they often have different skin colours."  
Judy listened as Nick went on.  
"When I look at the beings around my host, I can see some different skin colours. Most seem to be light cream or sort of pink in colour, and sometimes I see some that are more dark brown like some of those Southern Bears. But in one of the cartoons, there's a family of these things that are bright yellow!"  
Judy giggled and sniffed as Nick saw her wipe a tear from her eye.

"OK," said Judy, looking up at the clock on the wall.  
"Just after two, do you feel like another session, or call it quits for today?"  
Nick picked up on a sense of apprehension in her voice.  
"What do you suggest, doctor?"  
"I think we should try the higher percentage dose and see if you can assimilate better with them." she answered.  
"Yeah, OK." He looked adout. "Doesn't look like that nurse is coming back with that yoghurt so…"  
Judy gets up and walks towards the surgical cabinet.  
"Maybe you better have another drink?" She paused. "Do you need to go?"  
"No mom." Nick quips, as he pours out another drink.  
Judy pulls a pager out of her lab-coat pocket, and presses a button, before opening the cabinet and removing a small white metal box.  
Nick climbs back into the sleep chamber and pulls the hospital blanket up over his waist before reaching under and applying a new 'drain' tube. He re-tabs the diaper and pulls up his sweat pants.  
The antelope returns with a newspaper and his half empty coffee mug, followed shortly thereafter by the badger nurse.  
Nick lays back in the chamber as Judy is drawing a slightly yellow fluid from an upended vial.  
"We're going to try a stage three mix this time." Judy says to the nurse, flicking the syringe. The badger confirms the level in the syringe, then rolls up Nicks sleeve revealing the cannula in his arm.  
The nurse then steps around to the other side of the bed and unravels a bundle of electrode leads, and begins connecting them to the tabs, still stuck around Nick head and chest.  
"Ok TG," she calls to the antelope, "All connected here."  
The antelope mumbles something and throws a few switches at his desk, the rabbit and badger stand next to the bed looking at the back of the antelope's head, "Yeah, we're stable.' he calls without turning.  
Judy looks down at Nick, "OK, we discussed this before so, the entry shock may be a bit more numbing at this concentration, but if what we think is happening in your dreams, your conscious functions should have better awareness over your subconscious, giving you a stronger sense of control, maybe we will finally determine if you are just controlling these vivid dreams, or if you really are assimilating with another being?"  
"Well, that's what I've been saying," replied Nick, "I'm sure it's something like an alternate reality, and I just have a really good connection to this being."  
Judy twists the syringe into the cannula.  
"OK ace, just relax and we'll see you on the other side."  
Nick relaxed his head back on the pillow and closed his eyes.  
"I'll be back." he grumbled, impersonating a popular Cape Buffalo automaton from the movies, as Judy squeezed the plunger.

 

Behind his closed eyelids, Nick could sense his own heartbeat and a rushing in his ears, like a change in pressure. There was a momentary dull ache in his forearm, but he was used to it now, and the sudden dryness in his throat that followed. He had a momentary blank feeling as his mind seemed to lose awareness of his physical location. He couldn't tell if he was laying down, sitting or even floating, he just felt disjointed.  
His sense of self seemed confused as he fought back a short feeling of panic. Looking for something to hang on to he found himself saying to himself, "I, I, I'm, I am, I am me, me…" The mantra had a stabilising effect, the floating feeling gave way to a sense of pressure on is back, a solidness he could relax with. "I'm me, I'm laying on my back, I'm not falling, I'm safe."

A quiet sense of loss seemed to hover somewhere just out of reach, "I know that…, that , something. I knew it, what was it?"  
He became aware of something else trying to get his attention, his shoulder, he was aware of his shoulder, and quickly other parts of his body started to become evident, a numbness in his left hand, his right forearm, the back of his head, his throat. Yes, his throat existed, and it was dry, he tried to swallow, but his tongue just stuck to his palate, he moved his jaw and tried again, yes, he swallowed, that felt better.  
Now there was something else, he realised it was sound, the sound was gentle, nearby, it seemed to tie into the pressure on his shoulder.  
It was a voice, soft but persistent, a bit anxious?  
He felt he should be concerned, he swallowed again, the voice shouldn't be anxious, he wanted to calm the voice, assure it.  
Assure it of what? he wondered, I am calm voice, be calm voice, be calm with me, everything is OK.  
"Ahh, mmmh," that's my voice? It should sound better than that. "Ahmm ohh kkayyy," yes, that feels better, and the voice is responding,  
"Aahd, aad, dahd, dad, hey, there you are, how are you?"  
Sounds, voices, darkness, darkness? There should be light, and colour? Yes, eyes, that's it, eyes.  
A fuzziness of light, defining, separating, colours, shapes, a shape, looming, a face, a smile.  
"You OK dad?" I know that voice, soft, gentle, caring. The voice has a name, a name I know,  gooh, ghoo, jooh, joowee, julie, "JULIE!"  
The face disappears, I feel a pressure on my, chest, hands holding my sides.  
"We've missed you dad."  
My hand comes up and rests on the small form laying on my chest, small shoulders, warm, breathing.  
The fuzz is falling away, I hug the small back and shoulders laying across my chest, "Hey Julie, how you been?"  
A new face looms into view, "So, how are we feeling?" A kind, warm face, silver grey hair, a caring smile.  
"Hey doc, how am I?" the words fall out of my mouth before I realise the implications of the question.  
The face looked at me unchanging for a few seconds, formulating a response.  
"OK, lets have a look, do you remember your name?"  
Part of my brain started to think, 'That's a stupid question.' but almost immediately realised it had to stop for second to find the answer.  
Nigh…, Neville, yes that's it, "Neville," I said, "Neville Williams."  
"There we go, and age?" she asks.  
"Forty eight." I say, my mind rummaging around wondering why things that should seem simple enough, are not sitting right in front of me.  
"And what do you do?"  
Images of aeroplanes suddenly swim in view of my minds eye, parts of aeroplanes, a hangar with aircraft parked within, "I?" there's something distant about the aeroplanes and tools and work benches, and a new thought forms.  
"I'm retired." I respond. "I used to work on aeroplanes."  
"There we go." she replies. "So, do you like music?"  
I feel my mind starting to form order, memories, thoughts and emotions are all falling into place.  
"Yes." I say. "Yes, I listen to a lot of music."  
"Any particular type of music?" she continues.  
A word looms just out of reach, "Um, nice music, calm, oh 'ambient' music." I say. "Yes, I like that, it's peaceful, no singing."  
"And what about reading, do you read much?" I notice she has a notepad.  
"Oh yes, I read a lot." An image of a room full of books appears in my head, this is my room, it's my, office?  
I have an office, but I'm retired? I've got lots of books…  
And she asks, "So what do you read?" as my mind is trying to focus on the books floating before me, "Aeroplanes," I say hesitantly, I see artwork on some of the covers, "Oh, science fiction mainly." I add, almost as a correction.  
She continues, "So, what about movies, go to the movies much?"  
I think of popcorn, comfy seats. "Yeah, I like the movies, I take the girls regularly." I say.  
"And what type of movies do you like?" the soft voice asks.  
I see trees and fields, seas and rivers, blue skies with fluffy clouds, children and animals, and I realise they are drawings, paintings.  
"Oh, cartoons," I say, "Animations and stuff." The body on my chest feels to go still, as if holding it's breath?  
"Think of any in particular?" Now the body on my chest feels to be wanting to move away, I sense I should relax my hold on Julie's back, but I'm not sure why?  
Animated movies I've seen, I've liked?, "I ah, like the ones by that old japanese guy, that one with the pig flying a red seaplane."  
The doctor looks up across the room, I roll my head and look across as well, it's, Margret, yes Margret, my oldest daughter.  
Margret looks back at the doctor and shrugs her shoulders, "I dunno." she responds.  
"Hi Madge." I call.  
"Yeah dad." she retorts, going back to her phone.  
The doctor looks back at me, "Flying pig?" she begins, "You like talking animal cartoons?" Julie slips off the bed, looking at me oddly.  
"I saw that one with the penguins and the other animals on that island." I'm starting to get a mild pain in the back of my head, as well as the still dry throat, "And the one with the elephants and the ice and stuff."  
"How are you feeling at the moment?" the doctor asks.  
"I could do with a glass of water, and I've got a bit of a headache." I reply.  
"The headache is probably normal for about now after your treatment, it will pass." commented the doctor.  
The Doctor looked at Julie, who seemed to understand something, as she went over to a small sink near the window and brought back a glass of water, handing it to me as I finally sat up in the bed.  
The doctor reached down and casually held my shoulder.  
"The glass of water is good for you." she said in a oddly commanding voice, and as I drank, I could feel the pain in my head ebb away.  
"OK then, just a couple more questions for you, how well do you remember your wife?" Julie turned away and sat on the chair next to the bed, I noticed Madge look up from her phone, as if waiting to hear my answer.  
I felt a hollow feeling in my chest. "Carole," I whispered, "died two years ago from an aneurysm, aged forty." I feel a hitch in my throat as my hand comes up to wipe away a tear.  
"I'm sorry I brought that up." consoled the doctor, "try another drink of water." she added. "Do you look at comics much?"  
I swallowed a mouthful of water, pausing to think.  
"I read the comics in the Sunday paper, I used to read those war comics when I was at school, and I ended up with a good collection of Charlie Brown, Wizard of Id and BC paperback comics, got them all on a shelf in my office, probably haven't looked at one for five or six years I guess." seemed odd now that I thought about it, but I guess it made my bookshelves look full.  
"Ever heard of cartoonist, author called Mister Mead?" the doctor asked.  
I tried to drag through my memory for cartoonists that I'd heard of, obviously Charles Schulz and Johnny Hart, I then thought of Gary Larsen, but couldn't remember the name of the guy that did the Dilbert cartoons, or think of any more cartoonists just then. She contiued.  
"So, if I tell you the title of a story called 'Judy is Dead', does that ring any bells?"  
I couldn't think of what the doctor was asking me, I felt like I missed part of the question, and I could feel that headache coming back.  
I reached up to massage the back of my head as I replied, "Who was dead?"  
The doctor commented, "Head sore?, you should have another drink."  
As I took another swallow from the glass, the doctor steadied herself again with her hand on my shoulder saying.  
"You shouldn't worry too much about that last conversation, it's not important."  
The drink of water felt good again, the pain in my head subsiding.  
"So, where were we?" asked the doctor quietly.  
I had to stop and think a bit then remembered, "We were talking about Carole, my late wife."  
I let out a breath that seemed to carry away some form of burden, I loved Carole, she was a great friend, a loving wife and a good mother, but life goes on, the girls and I seem to be doing alright after the policy payout.  
"OK Mister Williams, we've made some good progress so, I think you can go home now, I'll book for you to come see me in about a week, but I think we've achieved our goal here."  
Once again I was sitting there thinking I had missed something, so I turned to the doctor and asked.  
"This probably sounds stupid, but why was I here?"  
The doctor looked at me and smiled.  
"That's a fair question." she paused, reaching to hold my shoulder reassuringly.  
"You had a minor bout of depression, that was the cumulative effect of stresses after your wife's death, that were exacerbated by your older daughter wanting to move out."  
"With relaxation and suggestion therapy, we have removed your urge to dwell on aspects of life that were depressing, and helped you to move on."  
"You'll be on a course of anti-depressants for about a month, and after that you should be fine." she concluded.

The girls and I spent a few minutes sorting through the assortment of clothes, toiletries and sundry items I had in the room, before being ready to head off.  
Finally I turned to the doctor and extended my hand, saying.  
"Well, thank you I guess, I mean, I feel good, so everything must have worked, thank you doctor…?"  
The doctor took my hand, "Wilde, Doctor Judy Wilde."  
"That's right, it's a nice name, thankyou for your help Doc." I commented.  
The Doctor picked her handbag and began packing away her accessories.  
Feeling an opertunist, I tried;  
"Say Doc, would you like to have a coffee, or something sometime?"  
She looked at me and smiled but;  
"Sorry Neville, but as I said last time, I don't think my husband would be too happy, and redheads can be the jealous types."  
We shook hands again and as the Doctor stepped out of the room, I found myself watching her butt as she walked down the hallway.  
Julie slapped my dirty washin bag into my chest.  
"Give it a rest Dad."  
I heard Margret mumble something like "o.m.g." as she stepped past us, still engrossed in her phone.

As the girls and I walked along the corridor towards the entrance, we passed the hospital cafeteria, and I mentioned off hand to them.  
"You know, I could really go for a blueberry yoghurt about now..."

**Author's Note:**

> While I read it is poor effort to write yourself into fan fics, I've used a lot of myself just for character reference in this story, but with embellishment.  
> I should note; my wife is still happily alive, but we never had kids.  
> The rest is pretty much me.  
> Sorry for the 'wall of text'  
> OK, Mid May, and lots of real life things in between (hospital and such) so here is the updated version.  
> Don't blame Comicanon if it still sucks, was basically my own idea of revision while laying in hostpital.  
> Don't know if the drugs helped or not?


End file.
